starbucks in the shiz

Dear Starbucks,

First off, thank you for opening one of your glorious consulates of coffee in Shijiazhuang. The Shiz should feel honored that you chose her to join the ranks of the two-dozen or so Starbucks-equipped cities in the Middle Kingdom. In theory, you are doing something to make the butthole of China just a little more livable.

With that being said, I do have some suggested improvements.

First off, please instruct this branch on how to brew good coffee. If I am going to pay 17 RMB–the equivalent of two or three meals–on a tiny brewed coffee I don’t want it to taste awful. I don’t know if they need brew fresh coffee more often or use better beans or what, but if I wanted to drink something that left me grimacing and worried about my health I could have stayed at home and drank tap water.

Secondly, you should improve the wifi situation out here. I know the Internet sucks everywhere in this country, but if you’re going to be charging an arm and a leg for coffee (and paying pennies for labor) you should probably invest in a connection that works. It should not take more than a minute for BBC’s homepage to load. And don’t even get me started on the difficulties of connecting to a proxy so I can loiter on Facebook!

I’m sure there may be reasons for my disappointing Starbucks experience in the Shiz–miscommunication with local management, limitations on access to high-quality products or services, catering to local preferences, etc. And maybe I’m just upset because my apartment’s Internet connection is down, my girlfriend returned to America yesterday and my hamster doesn’t want to play with me anymore. But hey, I thought I would let you know what I’m thinking.

Forever yours (at least until I find somewhere better or connection at home gets fixed),
Tyler

    • Glenda O’Neil
    • February 7th, 2012

    Some things just don’t translate, do they-like a decent cup of java. I feel your pain. Hope you don’t mind that I cut and pasted your post (less the proxy reference and re-spelling “b***hole) onto an email to the Starbucks customer service website. You and the other 499,999,999 citizens of The Shiz deserve better.

    • Glenda O’Neil
    • February 7th, 2012

    PS Nice writing!

  1. February 8th, 2012